You meet Mr. Chen, your Chinese Asian partner, to discuss a problem. Talk talk talk, you make a decision: problem solved ... or is it? It depends on what you think was decided.

You thought, "Good, I explained why we must do X."

Mr. Chen thought, "Good, I explained why we can't do X."

When you find out Mr. Chen is not doing X like he agreed you phone to ask why. Mr. Chen acts surprised, saying you both decided not to do X. The conversation becomes ... 

    No we didn't.  Yes we did.  Didn't.  Did

A bad situation: now you don't trust Mr. Chen...and he doesn't trust you. What happened? You both heard the same words; how could you have such different ideas what they meant?

Welcome to business in Chinese Asia. Both sides heard the same words but received a different message from them, a bad-for-business situation that happens all the time.

Why did it happen? Simple actually: you both wore the wrong glasses. Instead of using language in Mr. Chen's way, you used it in your (Western) way. You viewed both language and the situation through Western, not Chinese, eyes (or ears).

(Mr. Chen also wore the wrong glasses, but you can't control that. You can only control which glasses you wear.)

Every culture has their own, unique way of using language. Called Rules Of Communication, Chinese Rules are much different than Western Rules. To communicate successfully in Chinese Asia you must know, and use, Chinese Rules.

The same is true about business relationships as well as how to manage and motivate staff. For reasons of history, beliefs and psychology, Chinese Asia has developed unique Rules of person-to-person and business-to-business behavior.

I designed the Wearing Chinese Glasses: How (not) to Go Broke in Chinese Asia workshop to help people learn Chinese Rules. Knowing the Rules doesn't guarantee success, but not knowing them leads to almost certain failure ... and certain mistakes that cause a waste of time and money. And extra stress. 

I call it wearing Chinese glasses because you will not succeed unless you can see things the way Chinese do.

Even with Chinese glasses you'll never be Chinese. Nothing to worry about. Chinese don't expect you to be fluent in Chinese or in using chopsticks; they do expect you, however, to try to understand and respect Chinese ways. Respect is crucial.

Respect comes from knowing why Chinese are like they are. Some say all you need is a long list of cultural dos and don'ts, tips and techniques, say how to give gifts, who sits where at dinner, negotiating contracts and making invitations.

Such tips are important, but unless you know why you should change your normal behavior you often only change part way, thinking "doing X is a lot of trouble, and so strange—different from what I'm used to—that it can't be that important."

Paying the huge price of mistakes will change your mind.

If you want Chinese glasses, your prescription is ready now.